Last night after my post I went and crawled into my bed tired but remembering the good time I had with my family. Shortly after my head hit the pillow my friend and neighbor called needing to borrow my breathing machine. I got it ready and handed it off to her then I waited for it to come back. I got it and curled up in bed again. My eyes drifted and I began to fall asleep when suddenly I was jarred by a loud smacking sound. I heard a car alarm and was worried that a car accident possibly involving my own had just occurred. It wasn't a normal car crash sound. There wasn't the long lasting sound of brakes squealing, glass shattering and then raining on the pavement, there wasn't shouting or a horn sounding. It was just a smack. A few blocks up people came and were saying that it sounded like a loud gunshot. It was strange. I looked outside and there was my car safe and sound.
Across the street people were all over the sidewalks it was hard to tell who had been in the two cars that were crushed one in the front and one at the trunk. I ran in for my glasses, shoes, and phone. I saw others calling 911 so I called my husband who was at my parents hanging out with my brother just to let him know what had happened and that we were okay. The story is probably still being investigated but the couple was inebriated with something and they were both taken to the hospital with matching neck braces. The truck had hit the older car so hard it hit the car in front of it sending it across the four lanes into another parked car and damaging it.
After it had quieted down and just us neighbors remained I asked if anyone needed a ride and one neighbor did. I needed to be up to take her at eight and it was two thirty by the time I got in the house and it would be three the last time I looked at a clock. It was a wild night with little sleep. Just before seven thirty the neighbor came knocking on my door to tell me she had a ride and I didn't need to get up...I was up now. I laid in bed for awhile with two of my boys (how Pumpkin and when he got in my bed I'll never know) eventually drifting in and out until just after eight when I got us up and ready for football. I had to tell you all this because I kept looking at their cars and thinking how lucky we all were that we were not on the road when this couple had come barrelling down it. How lucky it wasn't a person laying in the street but a bumper. How lucky the couple was that they were even alive and whole. If it were their last day would they think it was great? Would the fun of the evening have been worth it?
I haven't lived their lives so I'll never really know but I'm guessing that it wouldn't have been. There would have been so many things they would have liked to have done or done better just like the rest of us. It gets me thinking is there really a day that would be great enough to cover the fact of losing out on the rest of life? Can I really live intentionally enough that I would be ready to go should a freak accident or anything else takes me? My thoughts are now on that.
The last few days I have done some things that have felt complete and happy and I've had a few bad days but not one of them felt like I was done. Like the, 'Okay now I have reached the goal and I'm ready' kind of moment. It hasn't reach it because maybe it's not really reachable. Maybe I'll always be striving for more. I'll always want more of this life and more of my family. I can't see them being full enough to being okay with less of me and not having me.
31 days to live like it's your last day is a big step. It's a big goal and may be unreachable. If I was terminal what would that look like? What would it look like in your family? I'm going to write down a list sort of like a bucket list but not an extravagant one maybe I'll have an extra list for those but just to see what I'd really like to do because to be honest I feel like I am just trying to have good days instead of being as intentional as I wanted to be. I hope your still with me and will join me in writing your list.