Ahhh first post in November maybe this month will go a lot better for posts don't hold your breath though lol. I had a busy month in October. There was my in laws and parents anniversary's, Brennen turned two and I turned 27, Halloween, and a bunch of other things. So what did this last year of life teach me hmm... I'm not sure probably not enough. I feel like I wasted this past year. I can't really remember anything that I've done that was worth anything....except taking care of my children which I know is a big deal it's just that there feels like there should be more another year is gone off of my life and I didn't do anything. That includes spending down time where I just think and relax close off the working part of my brain and the distracted by electronics part and just be. I need to just be more. I remember as a young girl sitting for hours and just being. I would lie in the grass and look up at the sky just feeling everything..the way the grass softly tickled me in its little dance with the wind, the wind as it swept across me off to some far away places I only dreamt of, the airplanes taking people to their loved ones and I wondered where they looking down on me? Did they see any of it? The farm house? The Barn? What were they thinking about? I just was and I haven't done that in so long that I'm afraid I don't know how anymore. I feel like I need a babysitter for a half hour so that I can just go be. I could go be in the woods listening to what the trees whisper to me, feel the pine needles under my feet, wonder at the beauty as the sun is splintering down on me through the canopy. Then I would feel rejuvenated and ready to take on more as I am centered back into my self and the world that God has made. I wonder if this is something I could teach my children...and if so how would I go about it...individually take them or try to get them all at once to lie in the grass and listen to the crickets dancing song?
I feel as though I kinda got off track with that topic obviously its something important to me :) so what else about this year...I did learn to just try things jump on in I'm still not that good at it but I am putting myself out there more and i am learning a lot about myself and other people. I learned that we are all a little judgemental, we all gossip even though we think we are just talking or just helping out someone, we all are a little afraid of putting ourselves out there, and we all love someone. Even the cranky man across the way loves something. I learned to look into the heart of people and see their hurt and let it reflect back into me so that I can respond more lovingly then I ever would have before. This is still a work in progress and I believe will be for the rest of my life because there are people that just rub me wrong and I know I need to see them in the love but I stubbornly just keep ignoring it maybe this year I can learn to love those that I really don't like right now.
I have learned that I still need to hug my six year old all the time because he still loves it and he needs that more than just every now and then he needs it everyday several times a day. He gets a goofy grin and I know that All is right with him. I want my boys to know that no matter what I will always love them and they are never to big for me to show it (embarrassing or not lol watch our teenage years :P)
I've learned that I am not a super mom and that's all right because no one is and it's good to not be alone. There may be a mom out there somewhere who bathes her kids every night, finds time to read them several stories every night, never raises her voice, never has to chase her kids out of grandmothers trees, never has to remind them that cats don't like to have their tails pulled and dogs don't like to be hit, and if she is then star stickers to her but I'm betting she's not. I believe that children are the iron that sharpens us we are so flimsy or to tough before kids and they come along to melt you just the right way but harden you in the right way also.
I've learned that when God is silent I need to just wait it out because he will move again but I need to wait for his time because his time is perfect and mine well mine burnt the kids cookies yesterday.
This year I hope to learn so much more than this year including how to enjoy my years more fully that doesn't mean I need more money or I need to go out more or have more stuff but I need to breath and I need to hold my family and I need to make God the center more so than ever. I want this year to be the best so far :)