I got to thinking tonight. It hit me really. I was thinking about death. I was thinking about how it comes and you never know when it will. I've heard that phrase so much that it's become one where I just agree because I know it's true but then I continue on like I had always done before. It was hitting my brain but not my heart. Tonight it just hit me. I've been thinking about the 9-11 attack and how the plane just slammed into the building. All those people going about a normal office day. They weren't expecting anything. They were planning and living, breathing, hoping, and alive with no known timers on them like you get with a terminal disease. The next thing we all know they are gone. There's no prepping for that. No love letters and family videos to make before your gone. It's to late and they didn't get the warning.
I think we all hope that we will do one of two things the first being that we would just die so fast we wouldn't even know that it was happening and the second being that we would know and have enough time to do the things that we really wanted to do. I'm partial to both. I keep believing that if I were to die soon I'd have the time and the energy to prep everyone and make those keepsakes for my children as they grow. I keep thinking that everyone will really feel my love if that time came. I decided tonight that it's not enough to just believe that. It's not really living to believe that. It's like saying I'm just going to continue to exist unless someone tells me that it's almost over and then I'll begin to live like I have always wanted to and deserved to. I'll also give my love away more and better and be the best me there is because I want them to remember me that way. How is that fair? There is so much to chance and so much to lose and you might die an elderly person and have never had a reason to really live like that.
I was also thinking about my cousin Krystal and how alive she was. I was thinking about her little ones and her husband. If she were alive still today what is it that she would want to do with her loved ones? What is it that she'd want more of? She was pregnant, full of life and promise when she found out that she had cancer. How is that for having time to prep? She fought a brave fight for years she really wanted to live but we lost her. I was thinking about my friends daughter who is nine and how she is fighting the cancer now. What brave and strong women and here I am with them as my examples still going through out every day like we have plenty of time for living. I was also thinking of a woman who writes a blog I read. Her husband was killed in a car accident and her two sons and her self were injured really bad. Reading her pain and yet her healing is really touching me she is so strong and she is living out everyday.
I know this is rambling and I hope it makes sense it's so late and directly from my heart that I hope it didn't get all muddled up. Here's my bottom line my new challenge to myself and to anyone else who this has touched is to begin tomorrow. I'm going to wake up and see my post it note I'm making right now that will say 'If today is your day what would you have liked to have done' and that's it. Those words will remind me and refresh my vision that every day and minute is a gift and I need to be a good steward of it. I need to grab my life and lead it for myself, my children, and my husband. I need to do this in honor and remembrance of the fight Krystal had for her life and I need to honor those that are fighting right now by honoring the life I've been given and still have.
The song 'Live Like you Were Dying' is playing in my head and that's what we need to do. We are all dying right now and our invisible timer is counting down so my friends what is you would like to do if today is your day?
I'll start If tomorrow is my last day I want to spend it with my children. I know I spend every day with them but this time I mean really WITH them. Leave me a comment let me know if your going to take up the challenge and if you'd like let me know what your going to do for this first day or longer if you like.