It's Been Awhile and Brain Dump

Zman

             
It's been awhile. I've thought about this blog from time to time but only in a small way time has been passing so quickly there really hasn't been time to sit and think of what I'd want to say and really the years have been unkind to me. I never wrote on the blog to be anything but open about our life and share it with friends and family. Later I started reviewing homeschool curriculum to see if there were any others I'd be interested in using but now I'm really comfortable with the method we use and don't need to do that any longer. We found out that Pumpkin now on here as Beany has autism and that's been an interesting road.  My little guy Zman is now 5 just this month wow!  So much.  Yet it really is just a blink of an eye.....

Really at this point I want to just dump here on this blog.  I want to just think out things even if it doesn't make a lot of sense to others and I still want to share about my family from this point on.  I don't mind if you want to come along with me or really if you aren't even here any more that's ok as well.  I'm going to journal.  So here it goes..

Zman

Monkey now called Mr. O

In my bullet journal this is what I'd call my brain dump page.  It's what I use when my brain gets filled up and I feel chaotic. I just start jotting things down and it frees up my mind again.  Right now I really need a brain dump.  I've experienced so much lately and its exhausting to constantly be thinking about it.  I don't know what you're supposed to do with feelings related to a hurricane though.  We had hurricane florence come through our area and months later we are still struggling in our towns and communities. I help distribute items to the people that others have donated. Sometimes I just drive through the hard hit areas and hand out food, blankets, coats, soaps, toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, and so much more.  There's soaps for cleaning the mold and cheap mops so they can be tossed without guilt as the mold spreads.  I drive and hurt. It's almost like survivors guilt.  Our home remains intake with just a bit of shingle damage and a few pieces of siding that needed popped back on and aside from that our shed looks like a can open peeled it open and laid it out there is no hope for it.  While the storm raged we were first in tents in another state but as the rain and heat got us there with our four kids, two dogs, a cat, and a turtle we left for a camp in another state where they fed us like we were at church picnics every day and the beds were nice and dry.  The wind wasn't howling at our doors in the cabins and we slept well. We were there with my extended family and a couple other families.   As the days went on we found out two homes were damaged one being completely flooded of the other families. There were tears and hugs.  As emotions grew so did a bit of bickering in the camp and my mother ended up in the hospital for a few days suffering some sort of attack.  19 days after leaving home we returned.  It was surreal.  Tree limbs blocked my driveway and branches mounded up in my driveway a limb hung from the lines out front and power had been restored only a few days prior to my return. I looked around at the mess and the sea of blue tarps on the houses all over town and wanted to cry. I am not a crier I think it has something to do with being bullied for crying on the playground over my baby sister who passed just 15 hours after birth when I was 11.  I can't stand out of control emotions so although I felt like crying I couldn't.  What I could do is step up and help and so our organization got busy. We took in supplies and delivered supplies we coordinated rescues and more. I think of a few weeks ago as I brought my friend a coat for her daughter and some clothes I still had a few supplies from driving around handing them out and I gave them to her and we both were tearing up I tried to wave the tears down but couldn't her needs being so simple and her fight to get her home livable again after flooding half of the first floor is so huge that it breaks my heart. You just think why did it happen? Why not my house? Why am I struggling even though my house is ok? Why don't I have more to give? I need to do more.  These are my thoughts and I haven't even shifted to Floridas horror yet.  The more after a hurricane problems you hear about the more heartbreaking it is.  If you haven't been through one yet believe me there is so much going on and so many messed up things that it's hard not to want to run away but you have to keep going. You have to fix your home you're still paying for while trying to find somewhere elses to live and afford.  You have to find clothes and necessary items while paying for both places. You argue with insurances, FEMA, and counties.  You try to get payments deferred with companies some nice some not so nice.  There is so much going on....

Our evacuation camp kitchen

Evacuation camp hall

Evacuation camp hall with donations

Out the camp kitchens window so peaceful while inside I felt like a mess. 

Zman at the campgrounds when we were in the tent 

My brother playing guitar a guy from the local church loaned him

A local school to our camp made us this delicious stew 

Zman found an umbrella

Love the fall colors popping here and there 

Zman helped me peel apples for a camp lunch.

Someone donated a ton of tomatoes to the camp aren't they pretty?

Zman was given this umbrella and he was pretty happy

Zman

I went to California to say goodbye to my husbands cousin who passed away at 39 by colon cancer. My cousin also passed away because of colon cancer at 32. It's so sad.  Quick insert to say get your butt scoped it's not to early.  While there I began to get sick and I am still sick. I think when I sat on the plane that was it my body relaxed and the sickness settled in. I didn't do much while gone because my in laws live off the grid down a mountain dirt road on the side of a cliff off the grid. The smoke from the fires over there got to me as well. I kept thinking of all the people I should be helping right then as I sat there and as I continue to try to rest and get back to health.  How many needed me? How many need food or a coat? Here I sit.... but I remind myself that I can't do anything If I continue to decline and so here I am. I've watched holiday movies and soaked in more baths than I have maybe ever in my life before but it's felt good. It's felt good reconnecting to me. I finally feel today as though I'm on the mend. A few more days and I might be back out there of course Thanksgiving I'm supposed to be giving a brief speech to open a race and then hosting Thanksgiving for friends some new from the hurricane and some long time friends as well as family. It'll be a great day but I'll be thinking of those without and those alone. I'll be thinking of those in tents and campers who couldn't have a Turkey cooked and I'll want to be saving them I already am wanting to but I have to remember the ones coming to my house already need me and I'm doing what I can.

It's late and I'm tired.  I feel a bit better getting a few things off my chest and now I'm thinking about all the work that needs done in the next day to prep for Thanksgiving and my speech and my project for Saturday yikes.....  tomorrow I pray I wake with good health and lots of energy and I pray the same for you as well.

Pumpkin now called Beany and I.

Mommaraff

I have arrived in North Carolina :D.  I'm sorry that I have not posted much about our packing and getting ready and then getting here but things were really crazy.  We were quite surprised at how much was left in the house even though we thought we were done with most of the packing things just kept crawling out of the cracks!  By the time we had both of our families stuff on the semi...we had filled it!  How embarrassing!  We thought we would have only filled it half way but nope.  In our defense it was both families things and all eleven people's bikes and the yard tools.  Lets also not forget to mention the quad, pocket bikes, and go cart.  We also loaded up all our trees hehe.  We hope they make it out here we had just bought them this past summer so we weren't willing to let them go!  We headed out on Sunday about 2:30 pm way later than we thought we would. It felt like we were all packed up for a vacation I know that sounds crazy but looking around our empty house it still didn't feel real to us.  We all caravaned our way out and didn't make it to far all the loading and packing for two days began to wear on us and we were at a hotel just four hours down the road.  We would drive for as far as ten hours would take us and we would stop at a hotel after that every day.  We had driven as far as we could and were in Texas all the hotels several towns over had filled but we found one that was available so we pulled in.  It looked really old and we were a little concerned so we sent my hubby in to look at the rooms.  He came back to let us know that the people were unfriendly and the rooms were small but they were clean.  We all piled out of the cars and my dad parked the semi on the side road were they had told him to.  We had all brought our stuff up and sent the boys off in search of dinner it was around ten at night.  The girls had gotten the dogs out of the car and were taking them to the bathroom when the owners wife saw them and became quite angry with us.  Here is where some explaining it in order.  Every hotel we stayed at we could have brought the dogs in for a fee of ten dollars a dog but we had four with us so we alternated who would sleep in the car or semi with them for a night.  At this hotel we had gotten use to doing that so we didn't even mention that we had dogs after all they didn't go into the hotel and we scooped our poop so no need right?  We also mentioned that we had eight people people because some sleep in the van and/or semi also not something we thought they had to know right?  Well the lady freaked out at us saying we lied and had to many people and animals and how would she pay her bills.  We tried to explain to her what we were doing over and over and how many people would be in the room but she wouldn't have any of it she just said we were bad people and kicked us out.  We felt bad for not having told them since they obviously wanted to know but again didn't see why they had too.  (It was no wonder the hotel was empty even though every hotel several cities over were full except one more..)  We found the next hotel who luckily just had a company pull out and two rooms available phew.  We took the time to explain what was going on this time and they looked at us like why would we care and told us it didn't matter (just like we thought hehe)  Anyways that was a long night we finally just had cold cereal because nothing was open by the time we found this hotel.  The next day was my birthday which no one remembered and I was sad :( when we pulled into a hotel that night my hubby and I went for a drive to find dinner and I told him he was in trouble he couldn't for the life of him think why.  When he finally got it he apologized and bought me some Oreo Cakesters and my family all sung happy birthday to me.  It was Friday afternoon when we finally pulled into our new home and began to unpack.  (I know not much of a break huh).  That night my brother arrived from Florida with a few friends and we spent the next day unloading the truck. 

We have kept quite busy trying to get our house in order it is a lot smaller than we were led to believe but it is nice.  Our neighbors are all college kids so every weekend we are surrounded by partiers but luckily they are pretty good about being respectful.  I am missing our fenced in backyard we now have to take our dogs out every time and with little dogs that can be a lot.  We also have to have the time to sit outside with the kids so that they can play which makes outside time a lot less.  I really miss just letting them out to play.  We also haven't put up their swing set yet so we only have a few toys and their bikes.  I think they really like it though.  We went to the beach twice now and Pumpkin says he loves the sand...not the water the sand.  Randomly he will announce to us that he loves the sand lol.  The other boys really liked swimming and collecting seashells.  We also make some sand castles and buried the boys in the sand.  It was really warm the first week we were here this week however has been chilly but still not bad at all.  For Halloween we trick or treated at the mall, went to a church festival and went trick or treating around a block in a local neighborhood.  Pumpkin thought a haunted house we stopped at was cool as were leaving I couldn't find him because he stayed behind to look at it all!  The family there thought the kids were the cutest.  Monkey was to scared to even get candy so I had to drag him and help him (it really wasn't that scary and the people were really nice they even removed their masks and stepped back so he could get some) after Pumpkin stayed back though Monkey went back in and became more brave (hey if little brother can do it so can he right?).  They were surprised at how empty the streets were just like I was for a bit there I thought maybe they went out later or I was in the wrong spot but they thought maybe it was because it had rained earlier.  I felt bad that they put in so much work and not many had shown up.  I think my little ones made it better for them because it took me forever to get them away they were ooing and awwing over everything!  In case your wondering our little men were baseball players and Pumpkin was a cowboy.

This brings us up to today.  We went to our first MOPS group out here (I have really missed going!)  I was really nervous and unsure but the ladies were really great and I just loved spending the time with them.  I can't wait to go back next time.  They invited me to a couponing class for the ladies there on Friday so I am hoping to go to that (more for social than anything I really don't coupon I should but I get embarrassed taking up the time to pull them out and have them scan them etc. but who knows maybe this will get me into it).  Tomorrow I will go out for our first park day with the homeschool group here in town and Friday we will go see their Co-op classes in action.  Tonight we will be going to church at the one down the street.  They told me on Sunday they they have hand bells and chorus for the little ones and I think they would really enjoy that.  As of yet I haven't picked a church and will do a little bit more shopping around for the one I am suppose to be at.  It's one of those things that you just know when your home you know?

The fall colors are really beautiful.  The whole area is beautiful!  Did I mention that the people here are so nice?  It actually weirds out my hubby being a CA born and raised boy, to see how the east people are.  He's liking it but it is weird for him.  He was asking people in the store where something was and they walked him over to it and told him all about it much better than the it's somewhere over there response we use to get.  No offense to those in CA but if you come over here you will really feel the difference.

Thats it for now pictures will come soon I hope you all are doing well and had a great Halloween!

In Love,

Noelle