It's been a long tough year for us as some of you know. I am really excited because of the move. I am hoping we will get to start over and refresh ourselves. Moving brings about all sorts of new challenges though especially when your moving two combined households. Money is always the number one thing to begin the arguing. Who is spending what where and who spent the most or saved the most. It can become quite draining. Money as the root of all evil? I would say it's quite true. Whether it be lack of, want of, or having to much it all causes problems. I would like to know why we went with money and did away with bartering. It seems so much better when I look back. All I would need is a trade of some sort and I could barter it out and feed and clothe my family. Yes times were hard but I also think that they understood that and helped each other a lot more back then than they do now. All my struggles that I encounter in my life I hope God uses to touch someone else and show them that they are not alone and no one is perfect. I know I'm jumping around here but we'll just have to call this post random thoughts of an over worked mind :). I really feel overworked where my head is considered. I barely have time for processing and so I end up doing it in my sleep or rather when I am suppose to be sleeping. I haven't had a good night sleep in about a week now.
I haven't been using a very nice tone in about a year now. Sometimes I feel like my old angst filled self from high school that I had thought was ling gone. I realize now that my old self is just me being overwhelmed and not understood. I get that way when I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough or seen and when my feelings are not validated no matter how right or wrong they are. When I get this way I have found that I begin to treat other people like how I feel. Since I now realize this I have been trying to change it. There is a verse I read about being slow to speak and quick to listen and it really is something I need to work on because when I feel unheard I stop listening as well and the arguing starts not very biblical huh? There is also the one about being slow to anger yes I need to really practice this one. Living with others can really tax our reserves of all our good qualities and values. Some examples kindness, goodness, patience, good listener, loving, caring, hard working, speaking uplifting words, etc. All things I need more practice in. I have often wondered why I ended up living here with my parents and siblings and why my husband became ill all to no avail. I didn't need an answer what I was really looking for was something to work towards or keep my spirit up well I have finally found it...ready for my answer...ok I already told you in many more words but it's character training! Yep that's it. How can I train the characte of my children if I am so faulty? Yes I will always be faulty because only God is perfect but I should always dhow improvement and be willing to admit when I have done wrong. I want my children to be men of honor and they can't do that without having good character and they can't get that without a good example phew. Ok so here I am completely messed up and imperfect and here I go to reach for my goal because with God as my lamp on my path I cannot fail.
Ok so here is my completely random mixed up post typed up on my iPod while trying to get the children to nap lol. I hope it atleast helps one person out there one day.